Want to hear something?
In my early twenties I actually made a pact with myself that I would stay single, build my life, and grow as my best self for the rest of my twenties.
Meaning: I ain’t dating nobody! I am dating & loving on myself!
I have met people since who I have really felt enamoured with and really thought I could break my pact for. What a fool. Ya girl falls too hard, too fast.
You get rejected and hurt enough times though and you start think. Wait… hold up…?
Why am I seeking love outside of me? Why am I seeking acceptance from others? Why do I think someone else, who I cannot control or force into do anything, can give me more security and consistency than myself? Me being the one person in my life who is with me all the damn time – I am never leaving me.
I may have made this pact initially from a place of fear, because I really did not think I could give any of those things to myself, but now I know I am keeping this pact because I love myself too much not to.
If nothing has materialised yet, what am I really missing out on by turning some of the love, joy, compassion and encouragement I have inward? By dedicating my energy towards who I am becoming? I shudder to think of who I could miss out on being if I don’t.
Does that mean I won’t find these things in somebody else? I don’t know, I’m open to it – just not for a handful more years! At least now I know, I have everything I already need within me and always did.
& if the time does come, I don’t intend on falling in love. I intend on walking into love – with my heart open and yes, my head probably in the clouds(I won’t be able to help it) but only because my feet are also on the ground.
To our growth,
Jean.