Working and loving on myself is one of the hardest things I have embarked on but I had a moment in the past handful of weeks that let me know the fruits of my labour are not only happening but so damn worth it.
For the first time, I was able to re-write a pattern of self sabotage and self destruction that has plagued me for the past few years. I was able to see it coming, stop and pause and make the conscious choice to go in a different direction. To choose my highest self, to affirm my worth, to uphold my value, to protect my integrity, and to love myself enough to say no.
Boy did I feel like a bad-ass for being able to face my dark side with awareness, maturity, and grace!
What I did not expect?
The grief that would follow! But the more I thought about it the more it made sense. I am outgrowing a part of my identity that although no longer serves me, is one I’ve had for years. And doing so begets the question: Who am I without my pain, trauma, suffering and low standards? So often we stay where we are – ignoring the calling on our lives to learn and heal – only because its familiar. This instance felt like outgrowing a friend you’ve known for so long, gone through a lot with, and at one point were really close to but you know in your heart of hearts they’re no longer good for you and where you’re going.
Such is the process of loving on ourselves and working on ourselves.
& so the healing and becoming continues.
If you’re on the same journey, just know you are not alone.
To our growth,
Jean.